Thursday 21 April 2011

just my thoughts...

I think I am like the one person amongst my friends that’s got this whole life thing figured out. Or at least that’s what most people think. But truth is, I am actually far from it. A mess of ambitions and goals and dreams and achievements, always trying to make sure I make the most of my life. Always trying to do something new, to redefine the definitions and rewrite history. I’ve got a long list of achievements but they are not enough, no! Not for me. Over achievers they call them, too ambitious. They never gon get nowhere, them bitch ass haters saying. But I beg to differ.

Truth is my thoughts were once along those same lines. A dreamer they called me. I had thoughts, ideas and projects running in and out of my mind all the time. I remember once in a science class I told my lab partners I would live to disprove Bernoulli’s principle. Laughed it off, is what they did. Jokes! Is what they said. And I listened, believed them even, till I set my first dream on track. I never stopped dreaming, it’s almost like a part of me, always looking at the bigger picture, thinking beyond the outside of the box. It’s almost like the depth of the words of an Mc. Even when he is out of the booth you can tell because all his words sound like a well thought out bar. He doesn’t actually sit and think about a poetic way to state his points of view; it’s just become a part of him. Yes, that’s exactly how it is with this thing of mine. 

I see things I could change everywhere I look. Things I could change for the better. Got all these ideas n thoughts rolling in and out of my mind by the minute, pandemonium. So I get a pen n try to put them down but they are gone. Literally get headaches trying to roll these thoughts fresh off the press in my mind. So I take on the mint that actually makes it to the stand. Take them down one at a time, leave no room for defeat, and follow through till the end. Still stacking this tower of cards believing it won’t come down crashing on me. Leaving my future to fate and spinning it in that mill of uncertainty. Well of course I’ve got that fail safe plan, the original template that everyone edits to suit the different wants and ambitions. Always hoping I’ll never have to enter the combination to that fail safe. And there I go again, hoping. All I am is highly optimistic never pessimistic since attitude designs the paths that all our fates take.

Wednesday 20 April 2011

Subconscious Mind.........

My subconscious has always been that second opinion I pay attention to, a trusted ally. More often than not I can relate to it and we are on the same track with most of the decisions we make. I am not talking about that little devil and angel that appear when you’re in a dilemma but that voice of reason when you’re doing the wrong thing, when your just about to do something risky  that might hurt you. It’s almost like it’s your own personal security detail and it always tries to reach out to you, to warn you, to protect you. Most of us ignore it but I, on the other hand learnt how to listen to it.
I have never had any considerable queries with this ‘security detail’; it has somehow always set me upon the right path. Well not until yesterday. Now more than ever I am 100% sure about my decisions on a certain matter I am dealing with at the moment. No need for the security detail this time round since I am loaded with my own Kalashnikov. No need for a second opinion as for the first time I am extremely certain that the first is the best. On numerous accounts I have been in this situation and my security detail has so willingly taken a leave of absence. But not this time, no. This time its screaming at me, going through the most desperate ways to reach to me.
 
So tell me what should I do in this event? We haven’t been over the guidelines for this. The rules that govern my mind and set the boundary between my reality and my subconscious do not cover this. The path my security detail has chosen is not one I am unfamiliar with. Quite on the contrary I have been down this path. Well maybe not this exact one but I have also closely watched many go down it only to end up in mazes of horror, trapped by their own subconscious. Could it be that my detail is turning one me? Setting me up for disaster? Or could I somehow walk two different paths. Maybe I could take this path subliminally and lead the one I perceive as right in reality. Hopefully my subconscious will not notice its being played and dare to rip through the fabric of my mind. But then again it must already know. So maybe we could come to some sort of agreement since this forbidden path it has chosen has been one of my heart’s desires. But then again that’s all its ever been, a desire, something you want but shouldn’t have in most cases.